Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Going for Gold



This past weekend, I participated in one of the defining moments of my life. I won a gold medal at the 2011 Bar Olympics in the Flip Cup event! Our team, Drinks on the House, simply dominated the event. So now that I am like Tara Lipinski famous I get to enjoy all the perks that come with winning such a prestigious award. No more paying for valet parking, no more convictions in murder cases and no more having to buy my own drinks at bars. Hell, I might even open up my own bar and call it the Gold Club or something where the waitresses will be miniature giraffes who have also won gold medals at some sort of animal Olympics. Also, only fellow Gold Medalists would be allowed in, so suck it Nancy Kerrigan. (Why do I have this much knowledge of early 1990’s era ice skaters?)

There were no silver medalists at these particular Olympics. You either won big or went home. Our team did have a pretty decent advantage over the competition which tended to be a bit older and less experienced in the area of college drinking games. Nevertheless, I will hang my medal proudly on my wall and recount my tale of glory to all who will listen! It was a single-elimination bracket style event with 9 teams. Our team defeated 3 other teams on our way to victory with no opponent progressing past their second player. We literally smoked all of them and they were all left crying in shame.

It wasn’t all fun and games however. Out team participated in several other events and brought much shame to ourselves and our families in nearly all of them. We lost miserably in the darts event due to the repeated failure to close out in a game of 301. The Golden Tee event was just an abysmal failure. Basketball? FAIL. Blackjack started off well and then turned into what Blackjack always inevitably turns into: FAIL. IN 9-Ball, we actually advanced to the second round and then lost in spectacular fashion. At any rate, I don’t care because all I wanted to do was win a medal! Did I mention that it was a Gold Medal? I did? Tyte.

So I guess next year we will have to defend our title. It should be an easy task as we won the thing while having an inebriation level of moderate to high. So as long as Jimmy Carter doesn't cancel next year's games, I figure we are a shoe-in for a repeat.
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