Drew Brees owes me 825 dollars.

Ok we haven't had a sports blog in a good long while and since this weekend was probably the worst sports weekend ever for me personally, I figured it was time for one.

Let's start with the Texas Rangers. After winning the first two games of the ALDS in Tampa Bay, the Rangers somehow didn't get the memo that you actually have to win the 3rd in order to advance. So now the series is all tied up at 2 games each after Tampa came into Arlington this weekend and quite frankly put a beat down on the Rangers. I still think that they will advance to the ALCS to play the Yankees, but they need to get their shit together ASAP. Luckily, I think they will have Cliff Lee starting for them in game 5 which should give them the advantage. At least the Phillies already clinched since I am quasi rooting for them in the National League.

Moving right along to the Houston Texans. I have neglected to write about them this season because I wasn't really sure how the team was going perform this year and I didn't want to jinx them. After starting out 2-0 by beating the Colts at home and the Redskins on the road in their first ever overtime victory, there was some considerable hype that this might be “the year". I'm talking, of course, about making the playoffs. (Playoffs?). ESPN had the Texans ranked number 3 in their power rankings after week 2. Well I must admit that after watching yesterday's game against the Giants, I would be surprised if they managed to finish 8-8 this season. In fact, that is my most optimistic scenario since the Texans are your classic "Myspace Angle" team at 3-2. In all likelihood, they will finish at 7-9 or 6-10 just like we always expect them to. Until they can figure out how to show up week in and week out, I just don't see the team doing anything of value. Beating the Colts at home in the season opener doesn't mean jack if you aren't able to finish out the rest of the season.

And now for the triple whammy, the New Orleans Saints. I decided to play in a Survivor/Knock-Out style fantasy game this year. The idea is that you pay 15 bucks at the beginning of the season and then pick an NFL team to win each week. No point spread or anything, just win. If your team loses, you are out and if they win you continue on. Last man standing gets all the money. The only catch is that once you pick a team, you can no longer use them the rest of the season. I had planned out a perfect road map for the season and figured that the Super Bowl Champion New Orleans Saints would be able to beat the miserable Arizona Cardinals who were starting an undrafted rookie quarterback. Boy was I wrong. Drew Brees took it upon himself to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory by throwing 2 interceptions in the 4th quarter, both of which led to touchdowns for the Cardinals. It is in that respect that I figure Drew Brees owes me 825 dollars. The game was a lock for crying out loud!

Ah, felt good to get that all out of my system. I thought it was an omen that this Sunday was 10/10/10. I figured that all 3 teams I was rooting for would get "10's" for their performance. So much for superstition. By the way, there is a slight chance that I will be going to the Texans/Chiefs game this Sunday. Should that opportunity present itself, you can bet your ass that I will be wearing a bag over my head. Look for me on tv!

*EDIT*
I forgot that I was supposed to give Christine a shout out. So here it is, go check out her blog here!

Mardi Gras

Ok so it has been another pretty long hiatus since my last post on this thing for a couple of reasons. 1: Super busy at work. 2. Vacation to New Orleans. And C: No new AdSense money goal. Lucky for you, the viewer, 2 of those things are really no longer an issue. The vacation is over and Christine and I once again have a goal of wasting the money we get from this thing on something awesome. Telling you what that awesomenss is will have to wait. With that in mind, here is a little recap of the time we had in New Orleans.

First off, the drive. We all convened on the wee hours of the Saturday morning before the trip. Knowing us, it shouldn’t have been a surprise to me to see my car loaded up with 6 handles of liquor amongst all the other travel related stuff. Surprisingly, my trunk was big enough to hold all the travel gear for 5 people. I had thought that my car might not be big enough to gang bang 5 people into for a 6 hour trip, but luckily I was wrong as everyone seemed to be pretty comfortable for the whole ride. I had also made a badass classic rock cd that lasted the entire duration of the trip.

One quick side note. One of these days, I am going pitch a television show to FOX called: “WTF IS HEATHER TALKING ABOUT?”. It will be just me and Heather walking down the street with a film crew and having some random people talk to us and attempt to decipher what she is trying to say. I’m telling you, this idea is a comedy gold mine. Heather, you are hilarious!

Anyway, back to the story. As you can imagine, the city was quite packed for Mardi Gras. It literally seemed like every street to our hotel was blocked off. Needless to say we eventually got there and, of course, headed straight to the casino. Now for the record, I think I can honestly say that I enjoy going to New Orleans any other time of the year. I’m not saying that I didn’t have a good time this trip, I did. It’s just that it was impossible to get anywhere at all while the parade was going on. In fact, if I see zero more parades in my life it will be way too many.

We, of course, did all the normal stuff there is to do in New Orleans. Casino, Bourbon Street, Mother’s, and Pat O'Briens. There was also this pretty legit sushi place in the lobby of our hotel that hooked us up with free saki because, get this, they couldn’t sell it to us because they didn’t have a liquor license. Oh New Orleans, I love how the rules don’t apply to you.

Speaking of our hotel, due to the people to bed ratio being inadequate, we brought along an inflatable mattress to compensate. Now, I have never really had a good experience with air mattri. They are generally always pieces of junk that deflate within a couple hours of laying on them. However, the one we brought absolutely takes the cake. It was so crappy, in fact, the phrase “Somalia Bed” was quickly coined to use when talking about it. The only upside to brining the thing along was the use of its blower as a hair dryer when it was discovered the one that came with the room did not work. That was my idea, btw…

Another one of the bigger oddities of the trip was the sheer amount of Brother’s Fried Chicken that was consumed. There was this grocery store 2 blocks down from our hotel called Brother’s that made one hell of a fried chicken strip bucket and invariably someone would always headed down there around 2-3 in the morning and literally pick up buckets of it. Our hotel room was literally covered with these boxes of empty fried chicken by the time the trip was over. It was simply ridiculous.

Ok, now for the absolute strangest part of the trip. On our last full day there, Fat Tuesday, we got up bright and early (12PM) and headed to the iHop on Canal Street. After a short wait, we were seated and started ordering our food. QUICK TIP: Apparently unlimited fountain drink refill only applies to sodas….not apple juice. I had to learn that the hard way after getting my check and seeing an additional $7.50 tacked on for the 3 apple juices I got. WTF?! Anyway, so we look over about midway through our meal and take a look at the person at the check out counter. Instead of seeing say your average age person collection money and making change, there was a young girl who was most definitely no older than 9 years old. She was completely running the place. Ordering servers around, yelling out guest’s names whose tables were ready. EVERYTHING! We’re pretty sure she even fired a bus boy…. Just another example of how rules and regulations like child labor laws simply do not apply to this town!

So yes, as you can see, we all had a really good time on this trip. I glossed over some of the more crazy parts as they are probably not even internet appropriate. I sang horrible karaoke one night and completely lost my voice. I got violently ill after returning back to Houston and I am only now getting over it. New Orleans is simply a great place to have a great time. I love going there and I dare even say I like it more than going to Vegas. So yes, there you go. Great story huh?

Here is one more gem before I sign off:

Housekeeping: (knock, knock, knock) “what time are you guys checking out”?

Us: “We arranged late checkout, we’re leaving at noon.”

Housekeeping: “12 noon?”

Us: “……Yes…..12, noon” (as opposed to the other time of the day that is noon…)

I am going to try to write a recap of the winter Olympics soon before I forget about all the stuff that interested me. Hopefully it will not be another month before something gets posted up here again!

More New Orleans fun

I had another awesome weekend in New Orleans. Now having been there 5 times in the past year or so, I have honestly never found myself to be bored of it. The place is like a mini Vegas that just so happens to be within reasonable driving distance.

Anyway, while I was there I witnessed quite a few things at the casino. For starters, I had a pretty ridiculous hot streak at craps while playing the Dont Pass line. Shooters were making their point and then sevening out almost immediately. Even my two dollar high-low bet was hitting pretty often netting me 29 dollars each time. The hard ways were more or less not hitting and I stopped playing them a couple hours in. I netted about $350 that first night.

Not content to let the good times stop, I started right back where I left off the following day. This time around, however, I encountered one of the coldest (for a dont pass player) tables I have ever been at. Shooters were hitting 7's and 11's on the come out role very consistently, never once crapping out on that second day. Even usually solid points like 4 and 10 were being hit over and over. I lost $200 and decided to pretty much call an end to gambling for the trip while still being up.

Several drinks later, I was persuaded to play some Pai-Gow since there were actually a few spots open at the table. While at the table, I proceeded to get a royal flush on one of my hands. Had I been betting the 5 dollar fortune bonus (sucker bet), I would have netted $750. A true tragedy indeed. I ended up only winning about 50 bucks at the table before I decided to call it quits. I actually ended up at the craps table 1 more time so see if my luck had changed. Sure enough, it hadnt and I ended up losing another hundred bucks to finish the trip up only about $120. Still good, but could and should have been better if I had just called it quits earlier. When in Rome, I guess.

Anyway, the coolest part of the trip was watching Jonathan turn 40 dollars into 700 dollars at the blackjack table in just a mere 5 or 6 hands. It was absolutely incredible. He walked up to the table just to "waste the 40 bucks" he had so we could leave and go get food. His first bet of 25 dollars won so he let it ride. Blackjack, 75 dollar win. Now betting 100 dollars a hand, he wins again and then once more. He now has about 300 bucks locked up and he is ready to call it quits. He throws out his remaining money less the 300 he is walking away with and gets dealt aces. Now, per basic blackjack strategy, he decided to split the aces. The dealer counts out the money he has bet and informs him it is $126.50. After putting out another $126.50 for the split, he proceeds to blackjack one of the aces and get a 19 on the other one. The dealer turned up 17 and he won both hands. After all the dust had settled, he walked away with some 700 dollars from the table all in about 5 minutes of playing time.

So ya, the casino was awesome as usual. During the course of the weekend I also met Doyle Brunson at a restaurant and got him to sign a 5 dollar bill for me. So awesome. I also had one of the nastiest vomits I have ever had in my entire life. The orange Mango Mango slushy with the shine in it is what did me in. My accord got 30 mpg during the trip which I was pretty happy with. All in all, a fantastic trip. Can't wait to go back!

Also, I finally made some of that internet money. AdSense deposited 100 bucks into my account this morning. Thanks to all of you who are making the Champagne Campaign a reality!

More fun in New Orleans

Back to work after a long 4 day weekend in New Orleans. My body is still pretty mad at me for the long hours and questionable eating schedule. And while the other trips to New Orleans in the past all had their memorable moments, this one might just have been the most jam packed.

We actually got around to leaving on schedule this time around 12:30 on Friday and, due to the lack of any kind of traffic, had a quick 5 hour drive to New Orleans from Houston. We checked into the hotel and immediately hit the casino. Now, since we have all been super degenerate at the casino in the past, they rewarded us with several free buffets along with some free monies with which to play with.

After eating entirely too much at the buffet, I proceeded to have the worst luck I have ever encountered at a casino. I was hitting nothing. Nothing at all. Playing high roller Pai Gow was probably my biggest downfall. I lost a quick four hundy and decided to just take it easy for a while. Everyone at this point was losing pretty badly so we headed down to Bourbon Street to drown our sorrows.

It was here on Bourbon Street that I learned yet another life lesson. That lesson being: always have a girl in your group when you are on Bourbon Street. Apparently, not following this simple rule results in random prostitutes coming up to you and giving you the "hey baby, you wanna party?" line. First of all, hookers, its time to come up with a new pick up line. Second, you are super fat and ugly. This was my first run in with hookers and I have to admit that I was not very impressed. I guess in my head they all looked like Julia Roberts in that god awful movie with Richard Gere. Oh well, live and learn, I guess.

Anyway, on Saturday I did a bunch of touristy stuff in the hopes of not wasting any more monies at the casino. The plan worked well and I finally got around to seeing this Jackson Square that everyone has been harping on me to see since my first trip to New Orleans. The artists were pretty impressive and I then realized that had I only brought my Country Legends guitar I could have unloaded it here for sure for a fat profit. When in Rome, I guess. I also got out to see the Mississippi River and some street performers doing break dances and hitting up people with the hard sell to buy their $20 dvd.

Finally, back in the casino, I got off to a good start with a gratis Champagne Brunch. Looking to play just a little more, I broke my one and only casino rule by hitting up the ATM for an extra hundred dollars. And while I did break my set limit, it would prove to be instrumental in me playing the hottest round of craps I have ever played in my life. I was hitting the sucker bets left and right. Hit snake eyes back-to-back at 30-1 each on a 5 dollar bet for a quick 300 bucks. I was keeping an active hard eight working and had to have hit it at least 7 or 8 times. Dont Pass was killing it for me while everyone else at the table was losing their ass on the Pass Line. In fact, the only bet that seemed to not be working for me was the field, which I usually can feel out pretty well.

All in all I won $555 in my quick hour at the craps table. Being back above water was invigorating. We had a quick 5 hour trip back to Houston on Monday and got back to the grind today. Certainly a fun trip, cant wait to go back!

Best quote of the trip: "I need the 'trouble with gambling?' phone number as my ATM pin number." One of us.

New Orleans 3: Tokyo Drift

So this past weekend, I took yet another trip down to New Orleans in the hope that there would be no hurricanes to evacuate from nor any catastrophic car crashes that lead to concussions. For the purposes of history, I will henceforth refer to this trip as "New Orleans 3: Toyko Drift".

Instead of working all day Friday like suckers and leaving late at night, we decided to take the entire day off and get out to an early start. We left houston around 10:00am and made a straight shot to Lafayette, LA. No stopping in the death trap that is Orange, TX this time around. The main reason for stopping in Lafayette was to hit up the Krystal Burger. In fact, it would be safe to say that the main reason for this entire trip was food related as we had free buffet coupons for the casino in New Orleans.

After leaving Lafayette, we headed straight for New Orleans and made it there around 5:00 in the afternoon. The smell of vomit and urine from the weekend before (Mardi Gras) was still quite pungent in the night air. We hotel'd everyone (even the mayor) and then proceeded to what would turn out to be the main attraction for the trip: the casino. Most all of us had either free slot play or table match play coupons to burn through. Being a Friday, the table stakes were already at a $10 minimum with most being $15. Undeterred, we pretended to be high rollers by getting a hundie stack of nickels and playing at the $15 craps table.

Now if you know anything about craps, you will know that most people play the pass line and take odds respectively. Realizing that strategy had never worked out for me before, I proceeded to play the "wrong way" by playing the Don't Pass line. Needless to say, all of us that played ended up substantially ahead by the end of the session. Christine did exceptionally well, yet again, despite the fact that she continually said she had no idea what she was betting or even how she was winning monies.

After cleaning up at the craps table, we went out to Mother's for some Po'Boys. Quite frankly, they were delicious. In fact, since we actually did some planning ahead this time around, all the food we had was super good and super filling. Ironically, the only place that seemed a bit sub par was the casino buffet that we got for free.

I could talk a lot more about what all we did in the casino since we spent a disporportional amount of time there. But in the interest of you, the reader, I will move on to our Bourbon street experience. We started out early Saturday morning by missing the Cemetart Tour we were going to go on by 10 minutes due to extreme lolligagging. In light of that, we decided to go to Pat O'Briens to get one of their Hurricane drinks and be entertained by their piano bar. Since I had been there before, I advised everyone to nurse the drink as drinking it too quickly can really mess you up in a hurry. We had a good time there and then went back to the hotel to take a little nap before once again hitting the casino before finally making it back to Bourbon Street later that night.

It should also be mentioned that on the way back to the hotel, prior to our nap, we went to one of the Tropical Isle bars to try some of their ofther drinks (besides a hand grenade). The one I got was called the "Shark Attak" and the picture above is what it looks like. It is not so much what was in the drink that made it good but rather the way it was served to me. I don't want to ruin the surprise for you on that one, you will just have to try it for yourself.

Anyway, so late Saturday night we went back to bourbon street. We saw a sign on one of the bars that said "2 for 1 drinks". So we went in there and naturally ordered doubles of our favorite beverages not knowing that we were really getting double doubles since the drinks were already doubles. That really started the night off on the right track. We then went back to the Tropical Isle from earlier and got a couple Hand Grenades each before being completely done.

We got back at the hotel around 4 in the morning, ate some more Krystal Burgers, and went to sleep with checkout being just 6 hours away. Needless to say, we missed checkout and finally left the hotel around 12:30 for an uneventful ride home. I was so thankful that I finally got a trip to New Orleans with out any kind of catastrophy. Taking back more money than I took there didn't hurt too much either.

Sorry for the long post, but this trip was deserving of it.

I am officially a refugee.

Well that was quite a trip indeed. We left Houston for New Orleans around 3:00pm on Friday. We got there around 9:30. The hotel was very swanky. We hit the bars on Bourbon street around 10:30 and found that it was quite crowded despite the impending doom of the hurricane. We did our fair share of drinking and listening to Bon Jovi cover bands. If the person who took pictures emails them to me I will post them up here.

Anyway, on Saturday, the town was really starting to get deserted. All tourists were "encouraged" to evacuate as soon as possible. So we hit the casino. The place was completely dead. No one playing slots, table games or anything. It was pretty disappointing, but we did get to eat at the buffet. We were literally walking around the casino with hundred dollar bills in our hands asking them to open up tables. We were told that not only will they not open up tables, the casino would close at noon. So we went out drinking again. Most of the bars were closed and boarded up. We were still able to hit up Pat O'Briens and get a hurricane, which was delicious.

The hotel left a note on our door that they would be closing at 10am on Sunday. We decided that it would be best to leave around 11pm-midnight to hopefully avoid other refugees. The plan worked well. It only took us roughly 9.5 hours to get back to Houston. By this time, I had been awake for nearly 36 hours. All I need to know now is where I have to go to pick up my FEMA credit card.....