Angry Words

This past Sunday I went out to the miserable Best Buy and picked myself up a Motorola Xoom. I had been wanting one for a while and with the release of the wifi-only version (no pricy data plan required) on Sunday, I figured what the hell and went out and got one. I'm not going to be reviewing the device here because there are literally a a brazillion people who have already done so. (Isn't it funny how the word "literally" now literally means "not literally?" Language evolution is fun.) Feel free to go watch a few YouTube videos if you have no idea what the device is. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Great, welcome back. Ok so as you know by now, the Xoom is an Android (made by teh Googles) powered device which means that I have now joined the ranks of people who have non-obsolete mobile based operating systems. I'm looking at you Palm Pre. Anyway, with the Xoom I am finally able to play with all the games and apps that the cool kids have had for quite a while now. Specifically the game "Angry Birds", which does indeed make me quite angry and "Words with Friends" (which is a scrabble type game for all you non-cool kids out there) which is incredibly infuriating due to the fact that my friends are all better at it than I am. Also, the word "lulz" is not accepted as valid submission for some reason...

Well, due to my love of Sci-Fi channel X + Y animal combination "horror" movies, I propose a similar new game: Angry Words. I thought about maybe going with Words with Birds but felt that people might think it was some kind app for teaching words to species of theropod descent (Birds). And let’s be fair, there would not be a large enough target market for that game, only targets. And if you don't get that joke then you aren't a fan of Futurama (The original, that is. Not that God-awful reincarnation that airs on Comedy Central.)

The idea behind Angry Words (which I am going to trademark) is that you would get a customizable amount of Angry birds to be fired at your opponents word when you feel they have cheated or otherwise got super lucky with a Z,Q,J combination. As we all know (us cool kids anyway), whenever someone drops a successful Z,J or Q on a triple letter or triple word combo, it makes you want to rage quit faster than Lindsay Lohan at a rehab facility. So you would get let's say 3 chances a game to bust out what is essentially a trump card for ridiculousness. The birds would still be fired from a slingshot and the number of birds could be agreed upon at the beginning of the game and there would be a bonus at the end of the game for any unused birds. This would make the game more of a skill game while at the same time discouraging cheating. Also, how fun would it be to know that your friend on the other side of the internet is enraged because you blew up their word that took nearly 4 hours of researching on the internet!

So what do you guys think? Pretty sweet idea, huh? Not as cool as the Sharktopus or the impending Piranhaconda that SyFy is about to release but pretty cool nevertheless in this author’s opinion. Admit it, you would want to play this game! Also, the Xoom is awesome and I recommend it to all you nerdy people out there!

Shoutout: Congrats Christine on your 200th post!
Bonus Shoutout: This one goes out to Michelle for requesting a shoutout in order for her to read this post!

The Sharktopus

This past week, I noticed that the word "Sharktopus” was a trending topic on Twitter. Intrigued, I looked up what all the fuss was about. You see, since I no longer have cable, I am occasionally behind the ball on new TV shows and made for TV movies. Sharktopus was one of those movies airing on the Sci Fi channel. After reading some of the reviews on the internet and watching the promo commercial, I decided that I had to see this thing.

So last night, I watched the Sharktopus movie. I'm using the word "movie” lightly here since there was really only about 30 minutes of actual plot related material. The other 60 or so minutes were the indiscriminate killings of the Sharktopus on the some sort of vacation resort in Mexico. Now, you may be asking yourself, what is the Sharktopus? Let me break it down for you one time. The Sharktopus is half man, half shark and half octopus. It was created by the DOD, apparently, to be a super stealthy killing machine or something. It was controlled by a control collar that conveniently gets destroyed in the opening scenes of the film, thus setting up the story.

You obviously cannot go into this movie expecting anything but entertainment value. I found myself laughing at the simple absurdity of most of the kill scenes. The Sharktopus can impale people with its tentacles, jump into the air to catch a bungee jumper and walk on fucking land. I bet you thought the Sharktopus would be confined to its watery home, but you'd be wrong. The Sharktopus can climb mountains to kill people in a cliff top restaurant. Also, the Sharktopus doesn't even consume his victims; he just kills them for what I can only assume is the pure joy of it.

I'm not going to go into any more of the plot details because I honestly believe you should watch this movie. It has everything a Sci Fi movie of the week should have: overzealous reporter, power drunk Shartopus creator, down to earth Shartopus creator's daughter, former Navy Seal hero, annoying radio DJ guy and girls in skimpy outfits. I applaud the Sci Fi channel for knowing no bounds when coming up with these films.

What's next, Sci Fi channel? Got any more ideas for the next half something half something killing machine? How about a half crocodile half hippopotamus: The Croctopotomus! It can even have the same plot and story! Think about it: "The Navy, wanting to have a bigger yet also stealthier presence in the Sub-Saharan jungle, creates a new breed of monster, The Crotopotomus. But, due to a malfunction, the Crotopotomus is released in downtown New York where it dwells in the run down subway lines waiting for its next victim.” And then at the end you could have it climbing the Empire State building or something for no adequately explored reason. And when the monster is finally killed at the end by the Army or another Croctopotomus or something, the creator will weep and shout to the heavens: "Who's the real 7 billion dollar monster now? Not I…..not…I.” Credits roll.

All rights reserved. Just be sure to send me my movie check when it gets made.