Thursday, March 24, 2011

Dumb terrorists



Wow, super FAIL at updating this thing more often. Oh well, today we are going to talk about terrorism. I was reading this article the other day and it got me to thinking "wow, this is the best they got now?" Don't get me wrong, I’m not complaining that Al Queda has been reduced to sending the Gomer Pyle of terrorists to attack us, but seriously, these are the people responsible for me having my rectal temperature taken every time I board a plane now?

It seems to me that on 9/11/01, Al Queda sent their best 19 guys and ever since then they have been sending the guys who rode the short bus to the terrorist training camp. Since then, we've had "Guy who lights foot on fire", "Guy who lights crotch on fire" and "Guy who tried to light jet fuel on fire". The terrorist in the article above picked Detroit to blow up because it was the cheapest flight he could afford. When price is a major factor in your terrorist plans, I'm pretty sure you are doing it wrong.

Another tidbit from the article was how the guy "rose through the ranks. He was assigned the job in Aden to videotape the 1998 suicide bombing of the USS Cole, which killed 17 sailors and injured 39 others, but fell asleep." It goes on to say "he is now a mid-level manager in the organization." What? Mid-level manager? When did Al Queda turn into a Dilbert cartoon? Do these guys get paid time off and an extensive benefits package? Do they get to upgrade their company suicide-bomb-car from a Ford Taurus to the Escalade? I am honestly very confused here. These terrorists hate us so much that they have practically become us. Next thing you know they will be complaining about Linda in payroll about how much she jibber-jabbers at company parties and how much money they have lost in their terror 401k’s. (A terror 401k invests in the Terror Stock Market, duh.)

So what is next for these terrorists? Tearing off mattress tags? Not using the tongs at a buffet? Farting in the elevator? Who knows. All I know is that I find it simply hilarious when these guys fail so miserably. It is such a shame that our societal rules preclude us from firing these failed terrorists right into the sun.
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