Final Post of the Year

(ya I can't draw fireworks, you'll get over it.)

That's right, today is New Years Eve 2008. Urban Dictionary defines the event thusly: "The one night of the year when getting drunk and making a fool of yourself is not optional, but in fact mandatory." So with that in mind it's time to bust out the lamp shades and drink champagne to your hearts content and at the end of the night sing a song that hardly anyone knows the lyrics to. Something like old lang sign or something. You know what I am talking about.

I personally am going to an 80's themed party at the place where we play trivia. At 30 bucks for all you can drink you can rest assured I am going to get my monies worth. I'm sure the event will be full of girls wearing pony tails on the side of their head and guys with hairdos that even Vanilla Ice would be proud of.

And with that, we bid you, 2008, adieu. We hardly knew ye. I'm not sure why I'm typing like a french pirate, but it might have something to do with the fact that a bee just flew into my apartment and nearly killed me. See you folks next year! Be safe tonight and if you end up going to jail, don't call me.

2008: A Year in Review

Wow, another year gone by. 2008 was a year of soaring profits and significant one time losses. So much has happened and I will attempt to document and summarize it in a comprehensive and thorough manner. If you are asking "why the manatee picture?", I must advise you that asking of questions carries with it a fee of eleventy billion dollars.

Now, onto the film.

2008 was a year in which I traveled more than ever before. After doing some complicated math, I found that I had traveled some 13,500 miles this year which is just over half way around the world. Each place I visited was a unique experience and I nearly died on one occasion. Good times.

The majority of those miles were accumulated on the trip I took to England in September. Having never been off the continent prior to the trip, this was sort of a big deal. I also took two trips down to New Orleans. We had to evacuate from the first trip due to Hurricane Gustav and I got hit by a drunk driver on the second trip. One day I hope to have a less eventful and more normal trip down there. And lastly I went to Las Vegas and had a helluva time, you can read more about that trip here.

Aside from traveling, I was busy surviving two hurricanes. Luckily I was able to evade Gustav while in New Orleans. Hurricane Ike hit very hard and there were significant casualties in my refrigerator. Frozen hamburger patties and other assorted frozen dinners: You will never be forgotten.

I found out a few new things about myself in 2008. Mainly the fact that I am pretty good at trivia. I also discovered that I am generally unsportsmanlike when it comes to other teams who are better than ours who we naturally assume are cheating. The goal of finishing first has not yet happened, possibly due to alcohol consumption. $2.50 you-call-its + trivia != success.

Meeting new people is always great and in 2008 I did plenty of that. Going to Vegas with Andrew, Jonathan and Christine was especially memorable. Watching Rachel get wasted after 2 beers is also fun. I also, unfortunately, drifted away from one of my closest friends this year which is never something you want to happen, but that's life.

I purchased an Xbox 360 this year which I never actually intended to do. Lets just say there was a Sunday after GTA:IV came out and I was bored and impulse bought it. It has been reasonably entertaining, although I'm still waiting for a patch to come out for Fable II so I can, you know, finish the game.

I met a person this year who actually bought a ShamWOW. Not surprisingly, she was a waitress at a bar. Apparently, the thing really is a piece of crap. I also spent 0 dollars this year on paper towels. You get that camera guy?

Perhaps most importantly, this year I started this blog. Not only am I making monies by putting up ads on this thing, I also enjoy updating it. I hope you have enjoyed reading my blog, hopefully you have found it to be an enormous source of information and humor. If not, well, I probably hate your blog as well.

And so this blog flames onwards. My 2009 blog: Limitless potential, boundless horizons, the unstoppable juggernaut of the internet universe.

"When I was frozen giant carrots ruled the Earth. But now they don't. It takes some getting used to."

I haz a Robot

I got an iRobot Roomba 400 for Christmas this year. The idea is that I would use this device to actually clean my apartment for me since I usually have such a hard time doing so due to pure laziness. So I was super excited to test thing thing out.

After charging the thing for a couple hours while I watched the Law and Order marathon on TNT, I took the roomba over to my place to see what it was capable of. I pressed the button to make it start and, low and behold, the thing started cleaning my floor. I was able to sit back and drink a beer while thing thing took care of the place for me. It ran for nearly 45 minutes before I got tired of its noise and turned it off. I was pleasantly surprised that it had picked up as much debris as it had, especially since I had vacuumed for real only about a month ago.

My only real complaints about it is the noise it makes, which can get a bit annoying. I would also recommend to someone getting one of these things to pick up all loose wires from the floor as it can get stuck on them.

All in all, I am very impressed. The roomba must have covered every inch of my apartment 3 or 4 times before he got tired. Apparently there is even a way to modify the software, if you are so inclined, to make it do more specific cleaning.

I will be storing my rooma with the battery out, however. I don't want it strangling me in the middle of the night while I sleep while it then proceeds to assume my identity. If you have seen Terminator, you know what I am talking about. The rise of the roombas will not occur on my watch.

Happy Festivus

Happy Festivus everyone! Today is the day where each person tells everyone else all the ways they have disappointed him or her over the past year. There are also feats of strength and a pole involved.

I am really only posting about this holiday to enable it to continue to upset the people who cant ever get a joke and for the most part hate all forms of humor. So please, get out there and spread the word and let the world know how it has let you down this year. And if anyone gives you any lip about how it's just "some stupid Seinfeld thing", be sure to give them a good punch right in the baby maker!

Please air all grievances in the comments section below.

Another disappointing season

Yesterday ended the possibility of the Texans ending the season with a winning record. Their loss to the Oakland Raiders, of all teams, also ended the 4 game winning streak that was the only bright point on this miserable season. And while a win next week against the Bears would once again give them an 8-8 season, serious decisions need to be made in the offseason if they want to be a playoff contender next year.

I think one of the main things that needs to be changed next year is the "stick to the game plan at all costs" mentality. It was more than obvious yesterday that nearly every play was going to be a running play. Even when it was apparent that this strategy would not work with Steve Slaton being stuffed play after play, they continued to not call any passing plays. I don't care how covered Andre Johnson is, you give the ball to your play makers.

The quarterback situation will also need to be addressed. I'm not sure how comfortable I am having Schaub as a starter anymore. I am even less impressed with Rosenfelds now that he has turned into an interception machine after his helicopter antics in the Indianapolis game. I haven't really looked to see who would be out there for us to pick up but I do know that the Rosenfelds + Schaub option simply isn't living up to how it was billed to us.

I suppose the greatest surprise this season was the effectiveness of Steve Slaton. Having been without a real every-down running back for the past few years, Slation has really filled a large void in the team. Hopefully the Texans lock him up to some sort of long term deal.

Oh well, so much for my prediction of a 10-6 year with possible playoff implications. The chances were there this season to achieve that goal but were squandered the way bad teams squander good chances. The fact remains that the Texans are still a mediocre football team. The loss yesterday cemented that reality. Heres hoping the team can build on the few successes they had this year and come out and actually contend next year. If freaking Miami can do it, so can we.

How to save the auto industry

I have a simple, yet eloquent, way of saving the auto industry. For years, the big 3 have given select models of their vehicles special names which they hope will cater to a particular crowd. A couple examples are the Ford Explore Eddie Bauer edition and the Nissan Texas Titan. You see, car manufactures believe we the public are so inept that we will make drastically important decisions that impact our financial well being solely on the premise on how cool a name sounds. This business model has worked well for several years.

The problem today is that people simply no longer swoon for a car with just any old name on it. I mean, come on, who is Eddie Bauer anyway? No body has any clue and therefore will be less likely to make an impulse buy of said vehicle. No, what the auto makers need to do is understand what is really hip these days. I am, of course, talking about Hannah Montana.

Imagine this scenario:

Family of four walks into an auto dealer ship. The salesman immediately recognizes this opportunity to push an overly expensive luxury sedan on the family which we will call the Ford Thunder Cougar Falcon Bird - Hannah Montana Edition. The father wants something a bit more economical like the Nissan Snoozemobile 19. Now the dad knows what he wants to get, and besides the Ford Thunder Cougar Falcon Bird is way out of his price range and gets horrible gas mileage. But what do you think his two daughters are going to have to say on the matter? Correct! They are going to scream and plea and bitch and moan until the dad simply cannot take it anymore and decides his life will be much happier without the constant reminder of how he ruined Christmas and so he will purchase the Ford Thunder Cougar Falcon Bird with the Hannah Montana upgrade package.

I realize that my hypotheses requires more scientific data. But you have to admit, I'm on to something here.

This blog brought to you by Hannah Montana.

Lucky to be Alive

As you can see above, I had quite a unique Friday. We were on our way to New Orleans when we decided to make a stop in Orange, TX at a gas station to get some snacks for the remainder of the trip. We then proceeded to get back on the road. While waiting at the stop light, a Ford F150 being driven by a drunken idiot, slammed into us at nearly 60 mph.

I was knocked unconscious and do not remember the actual impact. I had been sitting in the passenger side back seat just seconds prior to impact when my friend who was driving asked me to get his stick of beef out of the bag that was behind him. Had I not been leaning over the driver side of the car I most probably who not be making this post at this time.

Aside from a knee and head injury, I was, for the most part, ok. In fact, all of us in the car escaped with relatively few injuries considering the carnage of the wreck. We are truly very lucky. I want to thank all of my friends and family who have been so great. Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I was truly lucky to have walked away from that in as good of shape as I did. Special thanks to Christine who drove up and picked us up from the hospital and refused to let the crash ruin our trip to New Orleans. And also special thanks to Andrew for asking me to grab his beef stick for him.

This was the drunk drivers SECOND dwi. Hopefully he goes to jail for a long time.

Off Night

So if you know me at all, you know that I generally play trivia on Tuesdays with a few chaps of mine. Now don't get me wrong, we are never generally the strongest team (mainly because we don't cheat). We usually finish around the middle of the pack and we have even placed second before. But last night we hit a new low. The bottom of the barrel kind of low. The kind of defeat that only the strongest can survive. I attribute this failure to many unique circumstances.

1. New waitress: The place last night was packed more than usual. Due to this, our normal waitress, Stephanie, had to work one side of the bar while this other chick worked our side. Now Stephanie knows us all quite well, ie. our names, what we like to drink, and the fact that we won't walk out on a tab which means we never have to put down plastic up front. I like to refer to this phenomenon as "walking around the metal detectors." So when we were asked what names to put tabs under and got "confused cat" looks when we ordered some of our drinks, it definitely put us off our game.

2. Pregamming: You should never, ever pregame before an event that requires you to think clearly. While it is fun to kill a few beers with friends before an event, trivia night might just be an exception. Or not. Who knows?

3. Missing team members: While I am generally the brains of the operation, there are some categories which I simply have no clue about. This is where the other people on the team usually step up and deliver. Two of of the people who play trivia with us decided to go to the Rockets game last night. This caused friction as large role gaps were present throughout the night.

These three unique events joined forces ala Captain Planet style to form a perfect storm which delivered what was our worst trivia performance ever. Well, that and an entire Meryll Streep category. I mean, come on, Meryll Streep herself couldn't have even gotten some of the questions correct.

Country Roads

Went on a mini-road trip to Austin this past weekend. I more or less took the scenic route since I was in no hurry to get where I was going. Getting out on the road again reminded me of how much I love driving. To think that I have driven some 130,000 miles in my life and yet have barely scratched the surface of the 5.7 million miles of paved roads that the United States has.

I think the main reason I enjoy road trips is seeing the diversity of landscape. Living in a huge urban environment, like Houston, you can often forget that there is so much else to see out there. On my trip to Los Angeles, I drove through dense cities, deserts, mountain forests, abandoned towns and miles and miles without even seeing another car. Singing my own renditions of Country Roads and On The Road again are also always a hit. For my money, there is simply no better way to see the country.

One of these days I hope to drive to Alaska and back. The epic trip of nearly 9,000 miles round trip would surely be the trip of all trips. I hope to find someone, someday who is crazy enough to attempt this journey with me. I'll bring tons of snacks if you're interested! A Bear Survival Kit will also be provided!

* Programming note: Be on the lookout for a "2008: A Year In Review", coming to a blog post near you in early 2009.

A/S/L?

No, I'm not trying to cyb0r with you. Today is "Cyber Monday", a term the media has coined as the day that people do tons of holiday related shopping online a la black friday style. I have a few issues with this whole idea mainly due to the fact the advertisers have shoved yet another meaningless word into my already robust vocabulary.

I just feel that there are enough BUY MORE SHIT RIGHT NOW days. We, as Americans, do not need to be told to get out and shop. We are going to do it, we promise! There is no need to create another day specifically to remind people to get out and buy more crap they don't really need. I mean, what am I going to do with another $24 egg beater or a new dinette set?

I sort of lost my train of thought. I got side tracked while wikipediaing the origins of this "holiday." I started at Black Friday and finished up at the war of 1812 before realizing that I was supposed to be blogging. My point was this, it's a dumb name for a stupid day.