Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Angry Words

This past Sunday I went out to the miserable Best Buy and picked myself up a Motorola Xoom. I had been wanting one for a while and with the release of the wifi-only version (no pricy data plan required) on Sunday, I figured what the hell and went out and got one. I'm not going to be reviewing the device here because there are literally a a brazillion people who have already done so. (Isn't it funny how the word "literally" now literally means "not literally?" Language evolution is fun.) Feel free to go watch a few YouTube videos if you have no idea what the device is. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Great, welcome back. Ok so as you know by now, the Xoom is an Android (made by teh Googles) powered device which means that I have now joined the ranks of people who have non-obsolete mobile based operating systems. I'm looking at you Palm Pre. Anyway, with the Xoom I am finally able to play with all the games and apps that the cool kids have had for quite a while now. Specifically the game "Angry Birds", which does indeed make me quite angry and "Words with Friends" (which is a scrabble type game for all you non-cool kids out there) which is incredibly infuriating due to the fact that my friends are all better at it than I am. Also, the word "lulz" is not accepted as valid submission for some reason...

Well, due to my love of Sci-Fi channel X + Y animal combination "horror" movies, I propose a similar new game: Angry Words. I thought about maybe going with Words with Birds but felt that people might think it was some kind app for teaching words to species of theropod descent (Birds). And let’s be fair, there would not be a large enough target market for that game, only targets. And if you don't get that joke then you aren't a fan of Futurama (The original, that is. Not that God-awful reincarnation that airs on Comedy Central.)

The idea behind Angry Words (which I am going to trademark) is that you would get a customizable amount of Angry birds to be fired at your opponents word when you feel they have cheated or otherwise got super lucky with a Z,Q,J combination. As we all know (us cool kids anyway), whenever someone drops a successful Z,J or Q on a triple letter or triple word combo, it makes you want to rage quit faster than Lindsay Lohan at a rehab facility. So you would get let's say 3 chances a game to bust out what is essentially a trump card for ridiculousness. The birds would still be fired from a slingshot and the number of birds could be agreed upon at the beginning of the game and there would be a bonus at the end of the game for any unused birds. This would make the game more of a skill game while at the same time discouraging cheating. Also, how fun would it be to know that your friend on the other side of the internet is enraged because you blew up their word that took nearly 4 hours of researching on the internet!

So what do you guys think? Pretty sweet idea, huh? Not as cool as the Sharktopus or the impending Piranhaconda that SyFy is about to release but pretty cool nevertheless in this author’s opinion. Admit it, you would want to play this game! Also, the Xoom is awesome and I recommend it to all you nerdy people out there!

Shoutout: Congrats Christine on your 200th post!
Bonus Shoutout: This one goes out to Michelle for requesting a shoutout in order for her to read this post!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Dumb terrorists



Wow, super FAIL at updating this thing more often. Oh well, today we are going to talk about terrorism. I was reading this article the other day and it got me to thinking "wow, this is the best they got now?" Don't get me wrong, I’m not complaining that Al Queda has been reduced to sending the Gomer Pyle of terrorists to attack us, but seriously, these are the people responsible for me having my rectal temperature taken every time I board a plane now?

It seems to me that on 9/11/01, Al Queda sent their best 19 guys and ever since then they have been sending the guys who rode the short bus to the terrorist training camp. Since then, we've had "Guy who lights foot on fire", "Guy who lights crotch on fire" and "Guy who tried to light jet fuel on fire". The terrorist in the article above picked Detroit to blow up because it was the cheapest flight he could afford. When price is a major factor in your terrorist plans, I'm pretty sure you are doing it wrong.

Another tidbit from the article was how the guy "rose through the ranks. He was assigned the job in Aden to videotape the 1998 suicide bombing of the USS Cole, which killed 17 sailors and injured 39 others, but fell asleep." It goes on to say "he is now a mid-level manager in the organization." What? Mid-level manager? When did Al Queda turn into a Dilbert cartoon? Do these guys get paid time off and an extensive benefits package? Do they get to upgrade their company suicide-bomb-car from a Ford Taurus to the Escalade? I am honestly very confused here. These terrorists hate us so much that they have practically become us. Next thing you know they will be complaining about Linda in payroll about how much she jibber-jabbers at company parties and how much money they have lost in their terror 401k’s. (A terror 401k invests in the Terror Stock Market, duh.)

So what is next for these terrorists? Tearing off mattress tags? Not using the tongs at a buffet? Farting in the elevator? Who knows. All I know is that I find it simply hilarious when these guys fail so miserably. It is such a shame that our societal rules preclude us from firing these failed terrorists right into the sun.
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