OMG LOST

Tonight begins the final season of the television show LOST. For 6 years now, this show has had more WTF moments than anyone deserves in a lifetime. And while I love the show, part of me is ready for it to be over. With that in mind, I only have a few burning questions that I want to be answered this final season. I could honestly care less who Kate ends up banging or in what shape Sun’s garden will end up in. But then again, what the hell do I know? Perhaps Sun planting her garden is the one clue that solidifies the entire story and it has been there the entire time for us to see. The show could honestly end in weirder ways than that.

The biggest thing I want explained is the Smoke Monster. In all honesty it is probably the reason I watch the show more than anything else other than the time travel aspect. Seriously, wtf? Monsters are already scary enough. Make them out of mysterious smoke and you have one of the most horrifying characters in television history. Are there more than one? If so, how many? And why so many? If the smoke monster is so powerful, why does it spend its time tromping around the jungle and not hanging out at Hollywood parties sippin’ on Cognac? Why did it kill Mr. Eko but spare the lives of others? These are the main questions I want answered.

Speaking of the others…wtf? Who are these mysterious people who were on the island before anyone else? Are they like the “Na’vi” in that movie Avatar? Or are they more like the “Navi” in the movie Ferngully: The Last Rainforest? And why does Richard Alpert wear eyeliner and never age? And why was he a hitman in the movie Smokin’ Aces, where by the way, he also kills Jack...

And finally, what is the Island? Why is it so hell bent on affecting so many people’s lives? How did a giant wooden ship laden with the bones of slaves end up in the middle of it? Why is there not a giant tree where the Others live like in Avatar and Ferngully? Did Locke accidentally the whole island when the swan clock hit zero? Do the numbers have anything to do with the story line at all save for Hurley thinking he is insane? Will the entire story of Lost have an ending at all? If so, how many? If not, well, I guess I can always go back and finish Alias to see if it ever had an ending…

So there, 23 questions I want to have answered in the next 4 months. I think that is pretty fair since there are well over eleventy billion unanswered questions. If I am doing my math correctly, and I like to think that I am, I am only asking for a mere negative infinity percent of outstanding questions to be resolved. You see, eleventy billion isn’t even a real number. That’s how many mysteries there are on this show. And God help the producers if the whole thing ends up being in a snow globe and validating all the haters over the years.

At any rate, only 10 more hours to wait.