OMG LOST

Tonight begins the final season of the television show LOST. For 6 years now, this show has had more WTF moments than anyone deserves in a lifetime. And while I love the show, part of me is ready for it to be over. With that in mind, I only have a few burning questions that I want to be answered this final season. I could honestly care less who Kate ends up banging or in what shape Sun’s garden will end up in. But then again, what the hell do I know? Perhaps Sun planting her garden is the one clue that solidifies the entire story and it has been there the entire time for us to see. The show could honestly end in weirder ways than that.

The biggest thing I want explained is the Smoke Monster. In all honesty it is probably the reason I watch the show more than anything else other than the time travel aspect. Seriously, wtf? Monsters are already scary enough. Make them out of mysterious smoke and you have one of the most horrifying characters in television history. Are there more than one? If so, how many? And why so many? If the smoke monster is so powerful, why does it spend its time tromping around the jungle and not hanging out at Hollywood parties sippin’ on Cognac? Why did it kill Mr. Eko but spare the lives of others? These are the main questions I want answered.

Speaking of the others…wtf? Who are these mysterious people who were on the island before anyone else? Are they like the “Na’vi” in that movie Avatar? Or are they more like the “Navi” in the movie Ferngully: The Last Rainforest? And why does Richard Alpert wear eyeliner and never age? And why was he a hitman in the movie Smokin’ Aces, where by the way, he also kills Jack...

And finally, what is the Island? Why is it so hell bent on affecting so many people’s lives? How did a giant wooden ship laden with the bones of slaves end up in the middle of it? Why is there not a giant tree where the Others live like in Avatar and Ferngully? Did Locke accidentally the whole island when the swan clock hit zero? Do the numbers have anything to do with the story line at all save for Hurley thinking he is insane? Will the entire story of Lost have an ending at all? If so, how many? If not, well, I guess I can always go back and finish Alias to see if it ever had an ending…

So there, 23 questions I want to have answered in the next 4 months. I think that is pretty fair since there are well over eleventy billion unanswered questions. If I am doing my math correctly, and I like to think that I am, I am only asking for a mere negative infinity percent of outstanding questions to be resolved. You see, eleventy billion isn’t even a real number. That’s how many mysteries there are on this show. And God help the producers if the whole thing ends up being in a snow globe and validating all the haters over the years.

At any rate, only 10 more hours to wait.

The smoke monster is bored

Ok, since last night's LOST was so epic, I decided I would add my two cents about what I felt was a hilarious turn of events for our good friend Ben. If I have ever talked to you about LOST, you know I am a huge fan of Ben. The guy is a man with a plan and he always executes it regardless of consequences to other. He is a freaking ice man.

Last time Ben was in his house he was still "the man" of the island. His daughter had just been killed and he displayed to us his ability to summon the smoke monster and kill the mercenaries responsible. He did this (at the time we really didn't know how) by apparently going into his already secret room which itself also had a secret room. In last night's episode, we learned that he drained some sort of muddy water at the end of a hallway which enabled him to "communicate" with the monster.

Within seconds of doing this after his daughter was killed, the monster appeared and thrashed the mercenaries senseless. Last night, after Ben uttered "I'll be outside", he assumed it would be the same sort of instant reaction to his command. He even warned Sun that whatever was about to come out of the jungle was something he could not control and that she might want to go inside for protection. The monster never appeared. It was as if when the monster heard Ben say he would be outside, he simply continued to watch Gilligan's Island reruns on Nick at Night while giving Ben the finger.

The monster had had it with Ben. Just like a teenager refusing to clean their room on their parent's instruction. The monster was saying "you wanna talk to me, come down to my super secret lair. I don't feel like tromping through the jungle. You guys have been gone for three years leaving me with no one to shake trees at. Plus this is the one where Gilligan and company might finally get off the island, no way I'm missing that. Oh, that Gilligan."

Even when Ben finally made it to the temple, he had to wait a bit for the monster to appear, probably having to wait for a commercial break no doubt. It then appears, surrounds ben and flashes images of his past to him, mostly about Alex, mostly. The monster than manifests itself as alex and violently tells Ben that should he so much as touch John Locke again, that it will destroy him. Than, as quickly as it appeared, it was gone. Keyser Soze ain't got nothin on the monster.

This was easily the best episode this season. Locke and Ben centric episodes never fail to live up to the hype. I seriously cannot wait to see how the rest of this season will play out. Damn you ABC for your upcoming clip show in 2 weeks. The smoke monster frowns upon your shenanigans.

...and found

We are now more than half way through the current season of LOST. That being the case, I have decided to make a few predictions about where I believe certain characters are heading. Keep in mind that I am a huge fan of the show and have seen all the episodes multiple times which should give some credence to the predictions I am about to make. Enjoy.

- Kate is the Smoke Monster
Kate has always been very mysterious. Popping in and out of peoples lives and constantly changing her mind about who she wants to hang out with, very similarly to Smokey.

- Hurley is Ben in the future
When Ben was exiled from the Island, he felt like a huge part of his life had been ripped from him. Now that he is back, the Island will still want nothing to do with him causing him to sit in pajamas all day and eat ice cream causing him to get fat, move to Los Angeles, work at a chicken stand and then win the lottery.

- Locke is Amelia Earhart
Amelia Earhart was LOST while trying to circumnavigate the world in a plane. Locke was LOST while attempting to fly home after being unable to go on a walkabout. Think about it..

- Rose is one of the Dharma Vans
Rose makes things happen. Similar to the way a van enables a person to get from one place to another.

- Old Walt is Young Walt.
I dont think I really like older Walt. Also, WAAAALLLLLLTTTTTTT!!!!!!

- Sawyer is the Frozen Donkey Wheel
Much the same way the Frozen Donkey Wheel changes the timeline people are in, Sawyer helps fill in the slow gaps when the show is beating us over the head that Richard Alpert still isnt aging.

- Jack is Jacob
Duh.

- Richard Alpert is the orange that John Locke was chewing on in the pilot
This one is more of a hunch than anything else. I think it has something to do with his eyeliner.

- Vincent is the Island
Vincent is always appearing in places that hold crazy important significance to the show. Anytime we hear the Smoke Monster, aka. Kate, theres Vincent. Anytime people wander off into the jungle, never to be seen again, theres Vincent.

- Aaron is Claire
Try to wrap your head around that one!

- Juliet is Juliet and always will be Juliet
Im not even sure she is supposed to be on the island at this point.

- Bernard is the jar of ranch dressing Hurley was eating
Another one of those self explanatory ones. Hurley likes giant jars of ranch dressing. He also like Bernard.

- Libby is the Hurley Bird
Who else would be hanging out in the Jungle yelling Hurleys name other than the crazy lady who was in love with him who was killed who also happened to be at the same mental institution as him.

- Desmond is Michael Keaton
Michael Keaton was originally scheduled to appear as the role of Jack in the pilot. He was scripted to die in that first episode. Plus, Desmond would make a great Batman.

- Jin is Sun and Sun is the 4 toed statue
I wont spoil how I came up with this one just yet, mainly because I have no idea how it would actually work.

- Charlie is the sky turning purple
Charlie was in a rock band. Prince, who also was a rock star, had a song called purple rain. Coincidence? Not on LOST, my friend.

I am, of course, not entirely sure how accurate these predictions will turn out to be. Somewhere in the 80-90% range is what I am assuming. Feel free to let me know your own predictions of where some of these characters are going. Although, after last nights episode, who knows where ANY of the characters will eventually end up.

Still LOST

Tonight is the Season 5 premiere of the television show LOST. I understand that for some people, it is a bit hard to get excited about a show that basically requires you to hang on every single word spoken in every episode. But for those of us that have, this season and next season will (in theory) answer all of the questions that have been building over the last 4 years. If you are a die hard fan, there is no way you can't be excited about that!

Of course there are the over arching huge questions like what the island really is and wtf is going on with the smoke monster. But there are also some questions some of you may have forgotten over the 4 years of constant additions of more and more mystery with few real answers ever revealed.

Some of the more important things I especially want answered are the whispers, what Richard Malkin saw in Claire's future that prompted him to tell her to fly to Los Angeles, the 4 toed statue, and who the others really are. Based of some of the spoilers I have read, (ya, I read spoilers, so sue me) some of these questions will be answered this season it appears.

In all, I anticipate this to be one of the better seasons of LOST. Getting back to the earth shattering kind of revelations like who was in the hatch at the beginning of season 2. I am fully prepared to be blown off my ass tonight. And if you haven't seen all 4 previous season, ABC is going to be kind enough to give you suckers a cop out "get you up to speed" episode at 7pm CST tonight before the 2 hour season premiere begins. While it won't tell you everything about the show, it will most likely enable you to watch this season without too many "wtf just happened" moments. However, keep in mind that those moments are probably the most integral part of the show...

Hope you all enjoy tonight's premiere!