Bloodsport review

So over the weekend, I had the opportunity to watch a movie that I had not seen in a long time. In fact, I only realized that I had indeed seen it before when the final scene of the movie began to transpire. The move I watched was Bloodsport: a Jean-Claude-Van-Damme film about fighting ninjas or something.

I only say or something because I really have no idea what the movie as about. From what I could tell, the plot was something to the effect of a secret under ground fight club similar to mortal combat. The kind of fight where 2 men would enter the ring and one man would leave. Then the other man would leave after being declared the winner. That part I understood just fine.

There was also some kind of knock-out-time record that meant something to some of the fighters.

No it was the random cut scenes between the fights that truly threw me off. For instance, after one of the aforementioned fights, the camera faded away to some random guy next to the ring, a person we have never been introduced to mind you, who then proceeds to pick up all the teeth that were knocked out from the previous fight. Oh, he also puts them in his mouth to see if they fit. Then the scene ends and we never see that guy again. Who were you after-fight-teeth-collecting guy, we hardly knew ye? If I had to put a number on it I would say that the movie only had about 30 minutes of actual plot related story telling.

There was also some reporter chick. They never really explained her either.

Ok so thats all well and good but I did actually learn something from this movie. That being that one can defeat an enemy even after magic dust is thrown in your eyes. In the final fight of the movie, Van-Dammes character is about to finish off his opponent when at the last second, magic dust temporarily blinds him. I say temporarily because after Van-Damme goes on to still beat the ever living piss out of the bad guy he is miraculously able to see again.

All in all, a decent flick if only for the horrible acting involved. It really is a shame that they dont make movies like this anymore. Also, why hasnt Jean-Claude been in anything recently? Surely he could get a gig mocking himself the way Steven Seagal has recently... Perhaps that would be too much of a Double Impact?

Best line of the movie was from Van-Damme's opponent in the final scene: "You break my record, I break you." I seriously would have been laughing my ass off had my opponent said that to me. Leave it to Stone Cold Van-Damme to keep the ice running through his veins.