A salute to power tools

Since the dawn of time, mankind has faced one major problem: Stripped screw heads. Our story begins in the days of yore when a young gentleman name Mr. Torx decided that he wanted to invent a classification of screw that would enable propitiators of hardware to dissuade their customers from tampering with their manufactured devices. One of the benefits of this new Torx screw was that repeated tightening and un-tightening or simply using the wrong sized tool would render the screw useless therefore locking the device up forever.

Undeterred, civilization did what it has always done in the face of an insurmountable challenge: build something that could destroy anything. Realizing that a newly purchased device made impossible the idea of tinkering around inside by use of several Torx screws, a young lad by the name of Mr. Dremel came along and invented the Dremel Tool. This was the equivalent of entering the Imperial Age in Age of Empires 2 or when those monkeys learned how to beat other monkeys with bones in the film 2001: A Space Odyssey. No longer would man be held hostage by the grip of repressive technology.

It was in this spirit that I, yesterday, exercised my ability to defeat the Torx screw. After repeated attempts at brute force, the screw I was attempting to remove was smoothly hollowed out. I was nearly ready to admit defeat. Being at my last resort, I unleashed the destroyer of worlds. The only device capable of removing the head of a screw in a matter of seconds. Indeed within mere minutes I had grinded the head of the screw down to nothing. Spraks flew in every direction and the noise was defaning. Yes, I wore eye protection. I was also drinking a beer, so I consider that to be a push on safety. You never want to be TOO safe, after all.

At this very moment I am writing my senator requesting an official holiday to celebrate the life of one Mr. Bill Dremel. Too long has his great work gone unappreciated on large scale. Thank you, Mr. Dremel. Thank you for the greatest gift of all, the ability to remove whatever gets in our way at any cost.

At the very least, give the guy a "real men of genius" Bud Light commercial or something...