American Dream

Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream. About me. About you. The way our American hearts beat down in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon, we don't know.

Ah yes, the American Dream. The idea that one can better themselves through preserverence and hard work. The idea that someone with nothing at all can achieve greatness. The kind of stuff that really warms the hell out of the cockles of your heart and makes great "Lifetime Movie of the Week" moments. With that in mind, I have decided to give getting back into shape a try.

Now, sure, I've made this pledge to get in better shape every year around New Years like most people do. And, like most people, I have generally given up within a few hours of making said pledge. This year was different. So far I have managed to not only eat healthier but also keep a mild schedule of excercise in my like as well. It hast not been easy, as you can imagine, but hopefully I will be able to not only sched a few pounds, but be healthier as well.

Initially, my main motivation for this endeavour was that many people I have talked mentioned how much better and more alert they felt after exercising. I have not quite experienced the same results so far. I generally feel awful after doing any kind of exercise. The kind of awful that only a truly out of shape person should feel I guess. Punishment for all the sitting on my ass that I have been so prone to do. Hopefully, once my body gets used to the activites that working out entails, I will begin to reap the benefits of the program.

I would like to eventually get into the kind of shape that I was in while in high school when I played baseball. I could literally lift an elefant into the ait while riding a unicycle back then. Notice how I used the word "literally" there, thats' because it really happened. I'm sure you are at this point wondering why you havent seen this on youtube or something. Well, we didn't have all the fancy intertubes that you kids have now back then. Well, we did, but no camera or anything. So there, HA! Good luck proving it never happened.

I sort of went off on another tangent there, so ya. Honestly, I am only posting because I was listening to Dennis Leary on the way into work and wanted to post a few of the lyrics from the song "asshole". So I hope you enjoyed it. ENJOY IT BITCHES!

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink with whaleskin hub caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a damned thing anybody can do about it.
-Dennis Leary