Don't rape my shows

And now, onto the entertainment. Many of you know that Futurama is perhaps my favorite television show of all time. The ammount of lolz I have credited to that show surely numbers in the hundreds of millions. I am able to watch any of the classic episodes and still get a kick out of them. Sadly, poor programmings schedules forced this epic show to be cancelled before its time. A true tragedy indeed.

So you can imagine my utter joy nearly 3 years later when I heard the show was going to be coming back in a straight-to-dvd movie form. I waited patiently with much anticipation. This was going to be the dawn of new greatness for a series that few had the opportunity to savor. But alas, when the time came, I was met with disappointment. I watched all 89 minutes in shocking horror. I realized near the end that I had not laughed once during the entire flick. Something had gone horribly wrong. The creators of the show had pulled a George Lucas and invented their own Jar Jar Binks, so to say.

So I was thinking, "Ok, no biggie, this was their first ep back, they were probably just nervous or something, the future movies will surely be vintage Futurama". So I waited a bit longer for the second film to come out. And sadly, once again to my horror, it was another 90 minute piece of unfunny, uninspired garbage. I made a promise to myself that night to not watch any of the future movies made if only to preserve my image of the way the show used to be. The 22 minute episode of "Everyone Loves Hypnotoad" was the pinnacle of the two films I watched.

Last night, I was vindicated in my decision to stop watching the newly released films when a friend of mine, who I had warned about the awfulness of the new movies, informed me that indeed the new film was terrible. Charles Barkley might say it was "turrible, turrible, crazy knuckleheaded turrible." I would like to now ask, nay plea with the producers of these new movies to please stop making them. Stop ruining my show the way George Lucas ruined Star Wars. I feel like I need smokey the bear or something to say something to the effect of "Only you can prevent the destruction of your franchise".

You know it really is a shame they no longer use Smokey the Bear. I felt he was a effective way to inform people about the dangers of forest fires. Good guy, that bear was.

On a related note, a group of people are about to release a documentary of George Lucas' ruining of the Star Wars franchise. For more information about The People vs. George Lucas click here. My favorite line of the trailer goes as follows:

George Lucas: "Star Wars is my story. Just like my house is my house. So if I wanna paint my house green, even if everyone else thinks it should be red, guess what, I'm going to paint it Jar Jar."

Check out the trailer here.

This isn't a business plan, it's an escape plan!
-A guy from the 80's